Random Thoughts: Screen Actors Guild Awards

A quick random thought today...

Does anyone really care about the SAG Awards? Really? All they are are a chance for actors to sexually gratify each other without anyone having to take their cloths off.

The only argument that I can think of to justify this awards show would be that an actor is the most qualified to judge the performance of another actor. Of course, if said actor was such a good judge of acting, he should be the recipient of the award instead of the judge.

Just imagine what kind of fantastic entertainment would be produced if all these "expert actor judges" put their knowledge and expertise into acting instead of awards shows. We would probably get at least 3 movies a year that would be worth watching.

Baby Video: Laura, Time To Wake Up

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Movie Review: My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Jenny Johnson (Uma Thurman) plays the role of unsuspecting art gallery owner or coordinator or something in this ultra-predictable, but fast moving movie. Little do we know, she is also known as G-Girl.

Super powers aside, Jenny is super jealous and super controlling and super annoying. No one who is so self absorbed would ever even think about helping anyone other than himself (or in this case, herself). Taken as a generic movie, the characters are completely unlikable, other than supporting characters Vaughn Haige (Rainn Wilson) and Hannah Lewis (Anna Faris). Taken as a comedy, the only real scene that deserved a chuckle was the shark-through-the-window scene which was shown in the trailer.

Matt Saunders (Luke Wilson) rounds out the cast of jerks in this movie. While he is usually a decent straight-man comedy actor, you can only play the role you are given. Unfortunately this was a very one-dimensional role and the greatest acting in the world could not save it.

The one saving grace, as I said, was that this movie was fast moving. One reason for that was the length. At 96 minutes, one barely has time to finish an extra-large bucket of popcorn. Fortunately, the worst this movie will cost you now is rental price. With a lot of movies at Blockbuster going for $1 per day, it is almost worth it to see this movie.

Baby Video: Look at little Laura!!!

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5 Hours Or Less: Cooperstown, NY

I consider myself a passing baseball fan. In season, I occasionally check out the standings or the box scores. I enjoy going to Paw-Sox games every once in a while too. That being said, a trip to the Baseball Hall-Of-Fame makes for an extremely enjoyable weekend trip. Even if you had no interest in baseball, I am sure you could find something to do.

The car ride there (and back) is straightforward and quick. From southern RI, we took I-295 to Rt. 146 to I-90. A short jump on I-88 to Rt. 20 takes you to Rt. 80 and a straight ride into Cooperstown.

Once you get away from Worcester, the scenery improves as the hills start to rise out of the western horizon.

Our choice of season couldn’t have worked out better. We opted to take the day off on Friday so we headed out early. This gave us two nice crisp nights and two bright sunny days.

My wife and I were the first to arrive. We still had an hour or two until we could check in to our B&B. As such, we decided to stop at the Farmer’s Museum on the way into town. It seemed like it might be a good time killer. It wasn’t. It took all of 30 seconds before we realized it was $11 per person to see someone’s old barn.

On our way back out the door, my wife stopped to look through the tourist brochures. One of the things she picked up was a brochure for the Fly Creek Cider Mill. Apparently, this little gem is the last of nine mills in the Cooperstown area. The peaceful and serene atmosphere was worth the trip.

We must have spent $3.00 in quarters feeding the ducks and chickens. We had any imaginable apple-based product available. All in all, we had a great time at the mill.

We met up with the rest of the family and worked out where we were going to eat dinner and called it an early night.

Early the next morning we got up, ate breakfast and headed for the Hall-Of-Fame. Actually, as a point of clarification, Cooperstown is home to the Baseball Hall-Of-Fame, Museum and Library. We headed into the museum and took a look around. Its amazing how short a time baseball has existed. The museum is arranged in chronological order and has some memorabilia of the greatest players in baseball history.

It was interesting to see the sport evolve. The little facts of the sport are most entertaining. Apparently, it used to be considered an out if you caught the ball on the first bounce. Also, currently, it is against players to fraternize with players from the other team. That same rule also prohibits players from being in the stands while in uniform.

We moved through the museum in about 3.5 hours. I’m sure a huge baseball fan would be able to spend a very long time in there, but for the average attendee, half a day would be sufficient to see the museum. At that point, we had just enough time to go through the Hall-Of-Fame before lunch. I don’t know what I was expecting to see in the Hall. In reality, though, the Hall is just that… a hall. It consists of a long narrow room with plaques mounted on the wall for each player. I think an accurate analogy is that the Hall-Of-Fame is an really inefficient (room sized) book of notable people in baseball. I almost think it would be cooler if they had some sort of register of all professional players that ever played the sport with some notes or stats or a signature from each one.

All in all, it was a great weekend. We skipped the library and did a bit of overpriced baseball-related shopping. We ordered in for pizza and watched ‘A League of Their Own’ on TV. There was plenty of other stuff in the area that sounded like fun. We just didn’t really have the time. Fortunately, this is only a five hour drive (or less).

Movie News: It feels like someone hit me on the head with a wrench

Oh my frikkin god! I just found out something that completely blew my mind out of commission today. (That’s pretty bad considering that its only 9:00. Anyway, here it is…

They are making a ‘Three Stooges’ movie!

By “they” I mean the (in)famous Farrelly Brothers. Yes, those champions of comedy who brought us ‘Dumb & Dumber’ and ‘There’s Something About Mary.’

Ok… Try to focus your thoughts… Breathe… Breathe… Ok.

Now, I don’t really know what to think about this. Generally, I like the Farrelly Brothers comedy style. I don’t particularly like their casting choices, but that is a different issue. The biggest thing that is screaming in my brain is the question, “Why?” Why would they make a movie that couldn’t possibly succeed?

I feel confident making that statement for a couple of reasons. First, there will be the purists who refuse to even accept Shemp, Joe or Curly-Joe as true stooges. These people will surely be the loudest critics.

Then, there are the people who have never watched The Stooges. This may be due to the fact that they were born after 1970. It may also be due to the fact that Vaudeville-style slapstick humor went out long before 1970.

Finally, there are the people who just don’t understand Stooge comedy. These people have seen several episodes. They may even have chuckled a few times at a slap or a poke. When it finally comes down to it, though, they just don’t get it.

With all that opposition, the only people you will have left who want to see this movie will be single white males, aged 30-50. So, to summarize, the Farrelly Brothers are make a movie for all those sad lonely guys who eat alone in their apartments with all the lights out watching TV and playing computer games. On a plus note, the DVD sales/rentals will be through the roof.

Sliced Dill Pickles

(makes 7 pints)

Ingredients:

4 pounds cucumbers
6 tablespoons kosher salt
4 1/2 cups water
4 cups white vinegar (5% acidity)
7 teaspoons dry dill seed or 14 heads of fresh dill
3 1/2 teaspoons mustard seed
7 bay leaves
7 cloves garlic
peppercorns

Thoroughly wash 7 pint canning jars and their associated lids and rings. The jars must be heated but do not need to be sterilized since they will be processed for more than 10 minutes. Pre-heating the jars prevents them from exploding when boiling hot liquid is added to them. While this is not extremely common, you should not skip this step. The jars can be heated in two ways. First, you can place the jars into the water-bath canner. Lower them gently with tongs, making sure to allow some water to fill the jar so it won’t float. The second method is to fill each jar half full of water and place in the microwave. Heat on full power for enough time (probably 6-10 minutes) to make the jars sufficiently hot. Just before you are ready to use the hot jars, pour off the water (back into the canner if you used it to heat the jars) and place them upside down on a clean dry towel to dry them.Wash and drain cucumbers. Cut the blossom end (opposite the stem) off the cucumbers and discard. Slice cucumbers into 1/4 inch slices. Try to make them as uniform as possible. A food processor works wonders here, but a manual slicer or a knife works well too.

Combine the salt, water and vinegar in a large stainless steel or enamel pan and bring it to a boil.

Pack the sliced cucumbers into the hot jars, leaving 1/4 inch of space at the top of each jar. They should be packed tight and you should be able to fit almost all of the slices into the jars.

To each jar add 1 teaspoon of dry dill seed or 2 heads of fresh dill, 1/2 teaspoon of mustard seed, 1 clove of garlic, sliced in half, 1 bay leaf and 2 or 3 peppercorns.

Ladle boiling liquid over the cucumbers, still leaving 1/4 of space at the top of the jar. Make sure to remove the air bubbles. This can be accomplished with a stainless steel spoon and/or butter knife.

Clean and dry the top edge and threads of each jar. Place a lid on each jar then screw down the ring tightly. Transfer each jar into a water-bath canner kettle which should be at a rolling boil with enough water to cover the sealed jars by an inch or two. Process the jars in the boiling water for 15 minutes. Carefully transfer the jars to a hard flat surface with a clean dry cloth on it. A large wooden cutting board works great for this so that you can place all the jars on the board next to the stove and then carefully move the board to a cool, draft-free table out of the way. As they cool, they should suction the lid down to show that they have sealed. This should take as much as several hours. Check the jars when they are cool by lightly pressing on the center of the lid. It should be firm. Avoid the temptation to check the jars before they have cooled because this could cause the sealed jars to fail. If the jar did not seal properly, place it in the refrigerator and use it first.

Once opened, the pickles should be consumed within 4 weeks. Unopened jars should be used within 12 months to ensure maximum freshness.